Part 19: The stuffing to end all stuffing

Episode 18: The stuffing to end all stuffing



Armand, meet Thibaud Moreau!

Michel, you didn't tell me that he was the splitting image of his father! [sic]

Amazing! You DO look just like your father!

Um – I'm sorry, but you knew my father?

Knew him? Knew him, the young chap says! I like him already! He's got his father's sense of humor…

Armand, Thibaud here knew your dad ever since they roomed together at the academy!

That's right, and we were inseparable friends, we were, until your father lost his bout against diabetes. But I remember your father's sense of camaraderie and for that, I will always respect a LeBoeuf!

Armand, Thibaud here came expressly from Lyon to meet you.

Indeed, that is correct. I came to see you about a promise I made on your father's deathbed. And it's a promise I intend to uphold.

What is this promise? Tell me, please!

He made me promise that if you ever needed help, especially cooking help, that I'd help you any way I can. And that is what I am doing…

THIBAUD PULLS OUT AN OLD PIECE OF HANDWRITTEN PAPER.

Thibaud, is that what I think it is?

YES! This is the recipe that catapulted us to fame and fortune!

Armand, this is the fabulous Stuffed Lamb in a Potato Crust with Truffles that your father and Thibaud here created, many years ago, while they were busy perfecting this age-old recipe.

What is so special about this recipe?

Stuffed Lamb in a Potato Crust with Truffles. The perfect recipe! But in order to make the perfect recipe, you must possess perfect skills as well as perfect ingredients, my lad.

How can I perfect my skills for this recipe, or any other recipe, for that matter?

By cooking, of course! You have the skills, my lad – all chefs do. It's reaching perfection that is the hard part. And that can take quite some time without the proper training.

What are the ingredients?

Most of these ingredients are hard to find, my lad, but not impossible. By now, you must have many suppliers from which to draw upon to help you find the best that money can buy. However, one ingredient, the foie gras supreme, will be exceedingly hard to find, and for that, my lad, I am afraid I cannot help.

Is it an essential ingredient?

I'm afraid so, my lad.

But how can I make the recipe without the right ingredients?

Only one person I know makes the foie gras supreme for the Stuffed Lamb in a Potato Crust with Truffles based on the time-honored traditional approach. Unfortunately, I have lost contact with him for many years now. Substitutes are available, but your recipe will unfortunately not be perfect.

How did you lose contact with him?

To make a long story short, I lost my mobile with all my numbers. Must be my age – I keep forgetting things.


I have to say, I was expecting something a little more dramatic.

Who is this person?

Joe Stone. A fantastic Italian chef.

Well, thanks for everything. I will try my best to honor your recipe.

I know you will, lad.

Well, I'd better get going now. I have a competition to win, and an evil corporation to destroy!

Well, I hope you know what you are doing! Good luck!

We're all behind you! I hope you defeat OmniFood!



Man, this game just loves introducing new characters, even right here at the end. Did they really need three different mythical super chefs? First that guy we went off to study with, now this guy with the legendary recipe perfected by our father, and now we have to find a third super chef who can make the supreme foie gras. In a better-written plot, these could all have been one character.

Unsurprisingly, the recipe is pretty good. 92% quality is ridiculous, and they were even nice enough to give it good profitability. I mean, obviously I'll reduce the cost and the quality of the ingredients when I serve this at the restaurant to increase profitability even further, but even if I didn't, the margin would still be pretty good. A good recipe.



I put Armand back in Treize à Table and assign the recipe to him so he will be the only chef cooking it. To make sure our stupid guests don't order anything else, I remove every other main course from the menu. In my restaurant, you can have stuffed lamb with potato crust and truffles, or you can fuck off.



This is the final stage of Restaurant Empire. We have one mission, and one mission only: to destroy OmniFood in our final confrontation.

Also, optionally, to become the number one celebrity chef in the world, but we're already there. Gordon Ramsay is shining Armand's boots and getting yelled at for fucking up the cinnamon crepes.

Unfortunately, we can't begin the final confrontation yet, and we have no leads on that Joe Stone guy, so for now I'll just head to But I Am Pagliacci.



I had some requests from the thread suggesting that But I Am Pagliacci should only serve our very worst recipes. I'm not exactly sure what the business logic behind that is, but who am I to argue with the wisdom of the thread? But I Am Pagliacci now only serves our very worst garbage recipes. Not one recipe on our menu has more than two stars.



The only exception to this is our award-winning smoked salmon pizza. Someone in the thread said that he ran the smoked salmon pizza recipe by his friend who's a chef, and it's my understanding that his chef friend thought that the recipe was amazing and that he was going to add it to his own restaurant's menu immediately. With that kind of endorsement, I'm going to have to add this to But I Am Pagliacci as well.



Another thread poster had a great cost-cutting proposal. I do love our customers, but having a dishwasher is a luxury, and frankly, our guests don't deserve it. I'm getting rid of the dishwasher and firing the kitchen porter.



That's better.



A few hours pass, and we don't get any pop-ups or visitors suggesting how to proceed. The only two places we can go are Dmitri and Robert's shops. I decide to check them out.



Good day, my bourgeois chef. How can this proletariat storekeeper assist you today?

So, how's business?

As always, I supply ingredients to customer demands. Kind of like what you do, you know? This capitalist system is very interesting indeed – there are some very unique needs as well as unique customers!

Strange demands? What do you mean by that?

Well, you capitalists, with the free market and all, have such a wide variety of tastes as to suit every individual's preferences! How can I carry everything under the capitalist sun in my store?

I can imagine. This happens to me quite often with my restaurants…

I mean, the other day this bearded fossil of a chef came in here asking me if I carried some foie gras supreme. Come on! I would lose money if I sold that here – nobody here wants this ingredient around this neighbourhood, and last I heard, capitalism is about making more and more money! He even forgot his wallet here.

Why don't you return his wallet?

And who will take care of my store? I can't leave it unattended! But, why don't you return it?

And how do I know where to take it? I don't even know this person!

Okay, let me open the wallet and see if there's any identification…

DMITRI WADES THROUGH THE ASSORTMENT OF ID, CREDIT AND WHAT-HAVE-YOU CARDS IN THE WALLET…

Um, there's a social security card. It says Joe Stone.

Joe Stone? I can't believe it! Listen, Dmitri, I'll be happy to return the wallet for you!

You'll be happy, you say? Something tells me that this wallet means something to you!


God damn it.

Oh, man! Me and my big mouth…

Hmmm, it seems that the capitalist door of opportunity has shone on me once more! How much are you willing to pay for this wallet?


Doors don't shine.

Alright, I'll pay you $10,000, what do you say?

Ah, but the contents of a wallet must be worth much more than that! Offer me something more…

I can part with $20,000, but that's really stretching my limit…

Only a measly 20 grand? I have been paid more by people asking for directions!


I'll have you know, Dmitri, that we only paid you $7,500 for directions to Delia's shop.

You win, Dmitri! You caught me! Here – why don't I just give you $50,000, and you give me the wallet?

But of course you can have it, my good capitalist friend! Here – take it!

DMITRI GIVES YOU JOE STONE'S WALLET – NOW YOU CAN LOOK HIM UP FOR THAT MISSING INGREDIENT!

But you didn't have to pay so much – not that I am complaining, of course! This just goes and demonstrates how supply and demand fluctuates – isn't it fascinating?

Thanks for everything, Dmitri, I'll be leaving now.

You do that, my preferred capitalist customer!



Every time we talk to Dmitri, I can't help imagining him as Napoleon from Snatcher. Anyway, hopefully Joe Stone can help us out. Although, if Joe is desperate enough to go to random tiny supermarkets to ask if they carry the legendary foie gras supreme, I'm not sure how useful he'll be to us.



Hello there!

Ah, speak up, sonny boy, I can't hear you!

I SAID, HELLO, THERE!

Now you don't have to yell! What do you want, son?

Well, actually, I wanted to return your wallet…

My wallet? Oh, yes! I misplaced my wallet somewhere a few days ago, and have been looking high and low for it! So – you have it?

That's correct. It appears that you left it in the Red Apple.

So there it was! I'm so glad you found it! Thank you very much for returning it! Now, how can I repay you in kind?

Thibaud told me that you know how to make a very special ingredient for a very special recipe that I really need…

Well, sonny, what ingredient are you looking for?

I need the foie gras supreme prepared as they did since time immemorial.

Well, I sure can! But this ingredient is very special, and I cannot just make it or give out the secrets like that! I need to know that you are indeed a capable chef and that you bring me the raw material.

What raw materials do you need?

Bring me at least 40 oz of foie gras, 2 pounds of artichokes and, say, at least a 1 L bottle of red wine.

You really need one bottle of red wine?

I only need 1/3 bottle – the rest is for my own *inspirational* purposes.

You know you really should not drink, you know.


Armand, overpriced red and white wine is the cornerstone of our restaurant empire. And what kind of Frenchman frowns on wine!

Lecturing ME, now, are we? First off…

Do you meet my demands?

The ingredients? Not yet, but I am a reputable chef now!

Well, bring me the ingredients, then! Come back when you meet ALL my demands.

I'll be back with your demands, Joe. See you soon.



So the foie gras supreme is really just foie gras with artichokes and a little bit of red wine? That sounds significantly inferior to just regular foie gras.

Well, we'd better get to work. We'll check out the different shops we know of and see if they have some of the ingredients we need. We can probably get artichokes at Delia's shop.



Uncle! How's it going?

Good, Armand. I hope you are faring as well as I am! So, come for ingredients, have you?

Can I see the special ingredients again?

Here – let me show you.



I'm not sure what Armand means by "again", as I'm almost positive that I've never bought artichokes here before. I buy a bunch.

I'll be leaving now. See you, uncle!

Take care, Armand.


All right, now we need wine and foie gras. I can't think of an obvious place to go for either of these. I guess we might as well go and see Robert. Maybe he has hydroponic, uh, ducks?



Hi, Robert.

Duuude! Whazzup?

Do you have any other ingredients?

This is a so special one!



He does! And a very low quality foie gras, too. Three and a half stars is the very lowest possible quality for a purchased ingredient, because you can buy three star ingredients by default even without a special supplier. Whatever, I buy a lot of it.

Doesn't Robert seem like the kind of guy who would be opposed to foie gras?

Alright, I'll be seeing you soon.

Later, dude. Swing by anytime.


Okay, one shop left. Let's go and pay Dmitri a million dollars for a bottle of cheap red antifreeze.



Hello, Armand. How's everything with you? Want to buy something?

Any NEW special ingredients?

This is a really special ingredient.



As expected. Actually, this wine is five star quality and only $15 per litre, or $11.25 for a standard 75 cl bottle. This is a pretty good deal! Dmitri must have forgotten to put a few zeroes on there.

I'll be leaving now.

I'll be seeing you, comrade chef.

Now, back to Joe's house.



Hello there, Joe!

Hello, sonny boy! Did you get everything I need? Are you now a reputable chef?

Well, in fact, yes I do!

ARMAND CARRIES JOE'S REQUISITE INGREDIENTS AND HAS OBTAINED OVER 80 IN REPUTATION!

Fantastic! I can see that you are indeed an accomplished chef! Having the right ingredients surely helps!

JOE QUICKLY PREPARES THE SECRET, ANCIENT METHOD OF FOIE GRAS SUPREME!

Here you go! Enjoy preparing your Stuffed Lamb in a Potato Crust with Truffles! Boy, what a long name! I can hardly remember it!

NOW YOU HAVE ALL THE INGREDIENTS TO PREPARE THE PERFECT STUFFED LAMB IN A POTATO CRUST WITH TRUFFLES!

Thank you so very much, Joe! I won't forget you and your help!



This is it. The final confrontation with OmniFood (and the only one, come to think of it)! One chef, one round, one recipe. If we win this, OmniFood will have no choice but to burn down all of their hundreds of thousands of restaurants, and they will stop dishonourably using secret super-ingredients that no one else has access to. Thanks to our secret foie gras supreme, we should be unstoppable!



Were you thinking of using another chef for this contest? Forget it! Only Armand is allowed to enter.



The crowd goes wild!



And here is the evil OmniFood chef: Edmund Valron! He'll be making ribbon pasta with mussels and zucchini.



Now, I know we just went through all that work to get the foie gras supreme, but I really like this other recipe. Let's just make this instead.



So, last mission, I mentioned that I thought the game locked you at a max recipe quality of 99% (which turned out to be wrong). This is why I thought that was the case: even though we have cooked this recipe at a quality of 100% before, and even though I've since increased Armand's cooking skill to 100% and gotten better ingredients, I absolutely cannot get to 100% using this recipe anymore. For this very last cooking challenge, the game severely nerfs the bonus you get from the cooking minigames in order to force you to use the legendary stuffed lamb.



So, uh, let's try that again.



Here we go, the legendary stuffed lamb. Using all of our special ingredients, we end up with a recipe quality of 100% even before doing any minigames. It is the perfect recipe.




We have beaten OmniFood!



We go directly from our victory to this final cutscene, which I have uploaded here in addition to transcribing it. You should watch the video if you're interested in hearing the most apathetic voice acting I have ever heard in my life.

So there you have it. If it weren't for the help of all my friends I met along the way, who knows what would have happened to me by now?

Maybe Edmund and his cohorts would still be dominating the the cooking scene with their OmniFood and their cheating ways.

Maybe OmniFood would've bought out the family legacy that is Treize à table. Maybe I'd be working for them!

Now I can finally get back to do what I love to do most – cook!

Ever the modest Armand! Indeed, you have made the best of your friendship and learned much on your journey to the top.

I could never have done it without everyone who helped me along the way.

Ah, the duck a l'orange is ready!

Look at that delicious golden-brown texture.

Mmmh! Can't wait to sink my teeth in! Let's start dinner!

So how does it feel, now that you have fulfilled your dreams of becoming a superb restauranteur?

All I know is without you and Treize à table, my career may have never started!

And all I know is you make a fine LeBoeuf!

Come now, why don't you take the dish to the table while I start serving the wine?

Dinner's ready!



And there you have it! We've beaten Restaurant Empire and finally given OmniFood what they deserve!

Restaurant retrospective

Before calling a final end to this LP, I'd like to just go over our many beautiful restaurants and thank everyone who contributed with ideas, texture edits and fan art, everyone who took part in the many votes, as well as everyone who read and enjoyed the LP!

Treize à Table



Treize à Table, a quaint, tiny restaurant that we set up before we let the decorating power go to our heads. We had so few chefs that we couldn't fully serve guests both on the ground floor and the top floor, so we decided to just move all the guests to the top floor.



The theme for this restaurant was the French revolution and that creepy carpet covered in eyes. If you can't stomach eating while looking at a graphic execution, you probably can't handle our recipes anyway.

La Cosa Nostra



This was our first big restaurant, and to this day it's still our second-most successful and profitable. This is hard to understand, as if I were a guest, I'd be a little creeped out by all the horses and all the obvious mafiosi in the kitchen.



I don't dare say that aloud, though.

Le Palourde Chantante



Le Palourde Chantante, or "the Singing Clam". Our second French restaurant, established in Rome at Don Corleone's suggestion. Initially, this restaurant wasn't doing very good business until someone had the fantastic idea of installing a full wine rack for every single table. It still isn't all that profitable, but at least now we can drown our sorrows in the wine.

Gentille Alouette



The Gentille Alouette, yet another French restaurant, this time in Los Angeles. There's not much to say about this one. It's probably our most boring restaurant, which is largely because I decorated it.

Wagons Ho!



Wagons Ho! is an insanely profitable restaurant, making a profit of around $130,000 per month. The steakhouse theme is unfortunately very limited, but we made the most of what we had and turned it into the finest steakhouse in the west.



It also has a disgusting corn maze, which is probably the single most visually unappealing thing we've made, including the Juggalo restaurant.

The Hope & Anchor



I love the aesthetics of the game's seafood restaurants, which makes it such a shame that the Hope and Anchor is a total dud commercially. Making this place profitable was like drawing blood from a stone. But it's a beautiful restaurant, and I'm sure this good ship will sail on forevermore.

Funky Elvis



Okay, I take back what I said about the corn maze being the most unappealing thing that we've made. I forgot about this place.



Let's just look at that exterior one more time. It brings a tear to your eye. Like, in a good way. Mostly.

But I Am Pagliacci



Last but not least, our very own But I Am Pagliacci. Only goons could take something as beautiful as one of this game's music restaurants and turn it into such a dreary, horrible mess as this. I’d pour out a Faygo for Pagliacci, except we don't serve that here. Too low margin.



where the red fern gropes wanted to see what removing the sink and the dishwasher and serving all your meals on dirty plates does to your restaurant rating. It takes it from a four star rating to about three and a half. No big. Changing the menu to low-margin low quality recipes was much more devastating for the restaurant, and it now only makes about $20,000 a month. I blame the economy, personally.

Thanks to everyone who helped make these beautiful restaurants what they are today! I plan to do an LP of Restaurant Empire 2 at some point, and I hope to see you all there!